Entry for September 19, 2005
Well it's a monday morning here.... time to tackle the week full strength. I've come to the conclusion that I need to slow down on Mondays. I tend to load up a bunch of stuff to do on Monday because I feel fresh and energized from two days of Rich being home to help take care of the kids- and then I over do it and am burnt out for the rest of the week.
Rich did all the laundry in the house on Saturday- folding the loads that I had sitting in the laundry room from thursday and friday and doing all the laundry in our hamper. So why do I go into the bathrooms today and see two full/overflowing hampers again???? The realizations of how things are mulitplied with more kids seem to be hitting me full force lately. I don't know how others do it and keep their sanity with lots of kids.
Alex has been sick through the weekend, but he was still able to wake up at 5am and turn the tv on to watch cartoons. I had him go back into his room when I got up with Angela at 5:30, but I know when I went back to bed 15 minutes later he came out again. Then when I got up at 7am he told me that he thinks he is too tired and should stay home from school today- nice try wise guy!! I put a block on the tv so it can't be turned on before 6:30 am. I think it is great that I don't have to wake him up to go to school, but I do not want him waking up at the crack of dawn so he can watch tv before school for three hours. He is at school and so far I haven't gotten any calls or emails from his teacher saying he is having a hard time.
I've started making homemade bread- I love making it, but my family is going through it way too fast!!! I had hoped that I could make it once every two weeks, but I think I'm going to have to make it once a week to keep up with them. In fact I should be making up the bread dough right now, but I thought I'd get on here first.
I had a rough time the end of last week and let all the clutter of the kids stuff and their general kid like unwillingness to clean up get to me and was feeling pretty upset, but I've started to learn that if I take those times and just "step away" from things and get some quiet time to myself I can view things better and deal with things better. I got so used to Susan being around during the summer and not going through that phase with a newborn that now it is hitting me with the school schedule and the looming 10 days Rich will be out of town in October. Also Rich has received a promotion at work (more responsiblity- not more pay) and isn't able to reply to my emails throughout the day as easily as he used to so I'm adjusting to having less interaction with him during the work day.
Anyway.... I know that I have had bouts of PPD in the past with other babies and that is helping me keep from dropping into it this time, but being aware of those triggers really is helping me- and also just accepting the fact that I am human and I can't do it all. I just need to focus on the things I can control and let the anxiety that follows other things flow down my back.