Relief Society Lesson- Nobility in Motherhood

I taught in Relief Society last Sunday. The topic was taken from the Relief Society theme/mission statement: Finding Nobility in Motherhood, and Joy in Womanhood

I actually never got to the second half of my prepared lesson, so I'll just post what I did get to teach. The really neat thing was later I found out that the young women had a very similar lesson on the Joy of Womanhood... there was absolutly no communication between the Relief Society and the Young Woman's organizations about our lessons. It just happened that we were talking about the same general topic that day. Very neat!

In the June 1992 ensign, there is an article written by Marie Hafen. She starts it out with a great question for all of us.

"Consider three familiar symbols—a diaper, a frying pan, and a boy’s worn-out
tennis shoe. How do you react to these objects? Are they symbols of joy and
fulfillment? Or are they symbols of drudgery and submission?"

President David O. McKay (1873–1970): “[The] ability and willingness properly to
rear children, the gift to love, and eagerness … to express it in soul
development, make motherhood the noblest office or calling in the world. She who
can paint a masterpiece or write a book that will influence millions deserves
the admiration and the plaudits of mankind; but she who rears successfully a
family of healthy, beautiful sons and daughters, whose influence will be felt
through generations to come, … deserves the highest honor that man can give, and
the choicest blessings of God” (Gospel Ideals [1954], 453–54).

I’ve thought a lot about this for the past few months since I knew I would be teaching on this topic. I also have thought about the phrase “Finding Nobility in Motherhood, and Joy in Womanhood” I wondered to myself why it was phrased that way. It would have equally sounded wonderful if it was phrased “Finding Joy in Motherhood, and Nobility in Womanhood” but… I then looked at it closer.

Joy is often equated with motherhood. Even here when I look up the definition of Joy on Dictionary.com, the first definition gives an example of a mother’s joy in a son’s accomplishment.
Nobility also is easily equated with Womanhood. We know that we are Noble daughters of our Heavenly Father.

I think it is wonderful that in this declaration of the purposes that our Relief Society is here for, that they wrote it this way. Finding Nobility in Motherhood and Joy in Womanhood.

It is easy to find Joy in Motherhood, but we feel less noble when we are changing the dirty diapers. It is easy to equate Nobleness with Womanhood, but sometimes we forget to see the Joy in being woman with uniquely divine and noble characteristics, when society around us tells us to not embrace the differences between men and women.

Sheri Dew in the October 2001 conference gave a talk that is one of my favorites. She titled it “Are We Not All Mothers?” (for those who don't know who Sheri Dew is, she was the President of the entire Relief Society Organization- church wide a few years ago. She is a wonderful lady in her 40's or 50's and has never been married or had children.)
In it she said:

When we understand the magnitude of motherhood, it becomes clear why prophets
have been so protective of woman’s most sacred role. While we tend to equate
motherhood solely with maternity, in the Lord’s language, the word mother has
layers of meaning. Of all the words they could have chosen to define her role
and her essence, both God the Father and Adam called Eve “the mother of all
living”—and they did so before she ever bore a child. Like Eve, our motherhood
began before we were born. Just as worthy men were foreordained to hold the
priesthood in mortality, righteous women were endowed premortally with the
privilege of motherhood. Motherhood is more than bearing children, though it is
certainly that. It is the essence of who we are as women. It defines our very
identity, our divine stature and nature, and the unique traits our Father gave
us.

I know that a lot of you here are further along the road of motherhood than I am, and others are still waiting for the opportunity of motherhood. Sheri Dew talks to all of us in her talk and goes on to say:

the subject of motherhood is a very tender one, for it evokes some of our greatest joys and heartaches. This has been so from the beginning. Eve was “glad” after the Fall, realizing she otherwise “never should have had seed.” 9 And yet, imagine her anguish over Cain and Abel. Some mothers experience pain because of the children they have borne; others feel pain because they do not bear children here. About this Elder John A. Widtsoe was explicit: “Women who through no fault of their own cannot exercise the gift of motherhood directly, may do so vicariously.” 10 For reasons known to the Lord, some women are required to wait to have children. This delay is not easy for any righteous woman. But the Lord’s timetable for each of us does not negate our nature. Some of us, then, must simply find other ways to mother. And all around us are those who need to be loved and led.

As daughters of our Heavenly Father, and as daughters of Eve, we are all mothers and we have always been mothers. And we each have the responsibility to love and help lead the rising generation. How will our young women learn to live as women of God unless they see what women of God look like, meaning what we wear, watch,
and read; how we fill our time and our minds; how we face temptation and
uncertainty; where we find true joy; and why modesty and femininity are
hallmarks of righteous women? How will our young men learn to value women of
God if we don’t show them the virtue of our virtues?
Every one of us has an overarching obligation to model righteous womanhood because our youth may not see it anywhere else. Every sister in Relief
Society, which is the most significant community of women on this side of the
veil, is responsible to help our young women make a joyful transition into
Relief Society. This means our friendship with them must begin long before they
turn 18. Every one of us can mother someone—beginning, of course, with the
children in our own families but extending far beyond. Every one of us can show
by word and by deed that the work of women in the Lord’s kingdom is magnificent
and holy. I repeat: We are all mothers in Israel, and our calling is to love and
help lead the rising generation through the dangerous streets of mortality.
Few of us will reach our potential without the nurturing of both the mother who bore us and the mothers who bear with us. I was thrilled recently to see one of my youth leaders for the first time in years. As a teenager who had absolutely no self-confidence, I always sidled up to this woman because she would put her arm around me and say, “You are just the best girl!” She loved me, so I let her lead me. How many young men and women are desperate for your love and leadership? Do we fully realize that our influence as mothers in Israel is irreplaceable and eternal?

How can we all find nobility in motherhood? Whether we have children at home that we mother, or we take the opportunity to love and cherish and help mother those children around us.

Let’s look at what the Prophet’s have taught concerning nurturing children.

Deuteronomy 6:7 [Deut. 6:7]: “Thou shalt teach [the words of the Lord]
diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine
house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou
risest up.”
Mosiah 4:15: “Ye will teach [children] to walk in the
ways of truth and soberness; ye will teach them to love one another, and to
serve one another.”
3 Nephi 22:13 [3 Ne.
22:13]: “All thy children shall be taught of the Lord; and great shall be
the peace of thy children.”

Questions we can ask ourselves:
What can I contribute?
Why was a chosen to be the mother of these children?
What can I do to strengthen the sisters in my ward?

In the July 2002 ensign, the visiting teaching message was on this very subject. I can distinctly remember sitting in a 5th wheel trailer, which was the home of a young couple finishing up their schooling. They were excited to be getting ready to move into a house and start the next phase of their lives and hopefully start a family. At this time in my life, I was in the throes of young motherhood. I had a very active 4 and 2 year old and I spent many days wondering what in the world I was doing with them. I was depressed. I could find no Joy in motherhood, and definitely no divinity. I was paired up with a wonderful companion. She had young children as well, but she was further along and had much more experience than me and was expecting her 4th child. I think at that time she had a difficult visiting teaching route because she was not only teaching the sisters we visited, but she was also teaching me. As we sat and talked, three women each in different stages of motherhood and womanhood, I remember the sweet feeling that came to me. I would feel the divinity in motherhood and the Joy in womanhood again. I had forgotten what and why I was as home with my children each day, and I had forgotten why I had wanted this. One quote in that visiting teaching message changed my outlook that day.

Mary Ellen W. Smoot, former Relief Society general president: “Each of us has a
vital role, even a sacred mission to perform as a daughter in Zion. … It is our
destiny to rejoice as we fill the earth with greater kindness and gentleness,
greater love and compassion, greater sympathy and empathy than have ever been
known before. It is time to give ourselves to the Master and allow Him to lead
us into fruitful fields where we can enrich a world filled with darkness and
misery” (“Rejoice, Daughters of Zion,” Ensign, Nov. 1999, 94).

It didn’t snap me out of depression, but it allowed a ray of light to come through the darkness. I don’t always feel the divine part of motherhood. This last week, being stuck at home with the kids multiple days on end, did not feel divine, but knowing that this is a Divine roll that we have, and knowing that this was what we would be talking about this Sunday- definitely helped me find some joy in the situation.

_____________________________________________________________

So that was the lesson. I felt really good afterward and we had some great discussions throughout the lesson. It was a little funny. When I first saw the topic I was excited about teaching it, because I knew that "I" would be the one to learn the most and benefit from it the most. It's always true for me that I tend to really NEED the lesson topics that I wind up teaching. I really needed that reminder lately that what I am doing here is a divine work. It is a precious responsibility to raise children and I have been blessed with four beautiful children. At times I get caught up in the day to day grind and I forget to take time to sit down and enjoy my children and have fun with them and teach them and to give gratitude for the blessings they are in my life.

One of the sisters shared that she has always felt that her children choose to come to her and her family, and how blessed she feels that they wanted her to be their mother so that they could teach and grow with her. I loved that thought. Instead of wondering why I wound up with some traits in kids, I need to remember that they choose to come here to this earth and be a part of our family, because they knew that our family would be able to love them and learn and grow with them.