Reflections

This summer I found out that a lot of old Highschool friends were on Facebook. The reunion commitee from a few years ago had even set up an account to pass information about the reunions in the future and to keep the class more informed and connected.


So I set up an account. At first I really didn't pay attention to it much. I checked it about once a month, even went two or three months between logging into it.

Then a good friend from Texas requested to be added to my "friends list", and I posted messages back and forth with her for a while, and then went back to my once a month checking again.

Slowly more and more friends from my past requested to be added to my friends list. I also through common friends found other old friends from HighSchool and requested to be added to their friends list. So Slowly I've added quite a few people to my facebook friends list.

I still don't get on it a lot, perhaps once a week or so to see what people have posted. This morning I went to it and a girl from highschool posted a bunch of old pictures of her and her friends from Jr High, and highschool. This girl and I weren't close friends, but we did things in groups together a lot, and some of the people in her pictures were good friends of mine. It was so fun to look back and see those pictures. It made me want to get my yearbooks out and look at them.

So... why am I posting about this? Well... it just got me thinking about my life. I remember my first crush. It was when I was in 5th grade! I went from crush to crush in my life until I was in 9th grade. Then in 9th grade I had my first "boyfriend". Nevermind that our relationship was basically us talking on the phone for hours each night and attending 3 church dances during the 2 or 3 months that we were "boyfriend/girlfriend" We only held hands and danced together with a balloon width between us. It was probably the first time in my life that I developed a friendship with a boy- thus... boyfriend. Then he moved away, and I moved away, and I went back to crushes from afar for a few years.

Then I got into Highschool, and I turned 16. Now all of a sudden I didn't have to have crushes from afar. I was 16 and I could date... right? Something magical happened in my life. Instead of jumping head first into dating, I became friends with a wonderful group of kids. A lot of them were dating, they paired off into couples and dates, but a lot of us weren't. We got together as friends to go to football games, and dances. I went to every single girl ask boy dance in highschool after I turned 16, but I only went to two dances that I was asked to go to. Prom, my Jr and Sr years. Of course I would have liked to have been asked to go to the other dances, but it really didn't bother me much. I had a great group of friends and I went out and did things with them at least once a week. I also had a part time job, and usually volunteered to work on nights of the dances I didn't get asked to. I was just a friend to everyone, and in retrospect it does sound a little sad, when I say that I was a "safe girl" in that if a guy friends girlfriend was out of town, I was safe and they could ask me to go with them to some activity and do something, and their girlfriend wouldn't get upset that they asked me out. Looking back it seems like maybe I was the ugly one of the group or something. lol! I don't think I was, I just think for me I just had the basis of friendship with these guys and there wasn't any connections more than friendship.

A sweet story that I should write down for my journals... As I said before I only got asked to two dances. The first one was Jr. Prom. I really really wanted to go to Prom. I didn't have anyone that I wanted to ask me, I didn't have any crushes or anything. I just wanted to go and have a fun time that evening. So, I prayed. I told my Father in Heaven that I would really like to go to this Prom and just have a fun evening with friends. I knew it was a small non-important event and that in the grand scheme of things it didn't really matter if I went to Prom or not, but that it was something I really would like to do and if he could help make it possible, I would be very grateful. The days were getting closer and closer to when the Prom was, and I still hadn't been asked. One evening, as I was resigned to the fact that I probably wouldn't go, a friend of mine called. He asked me if I would go to the prom with him. Of course I said yes. We went and we had a great time. There was no pressure, he was just a good friend and we were comfortable with each other and everyone in our group. Later I found out that he had been wondering who to ask, and then one night he had a dream and he was at prom with me. The next day was when he called and asked me to go to Prom.

That was a huge contrast to the next year. We were on our choir tour in Seattle. We were having a great time. One evening we were having a spaghetti dinner at a church building and we were all sitting at round tables, probably 8 of us at each table and talking. The talk turned to the upcoming prom and one of the guys at the table was quizzing everyone on who they were going with, and if the girls had already found their dresses etc... He got to me, and asked me who I was going with. I told him no one had asked me, so I guess I wasn't going. I wasn't really sad about it or anything... I had gone to prom the year before and I figured this year was someone elses turn to have a divinely inspired date. I was happy and fine not going. Well my friend was shocked! Everyone was used to me being at things, but no one had thought to ask me to the dance, and so he gave me one of the most embarrasing moments in my life and promptly stood up and announced to our entire choir (100+) that I needed a date to prom. The next night we were sightseeing on top of the space tower in Seattle, and I had a dozen roses delivered to me, and was asked to go to the Prom. The guy that asked me was an aquaintance, and not someone I particularly wanted to date, and we double dated with a friend and his date. It wasn't as comfortable of a time, but I probably wasn't the greatest date either, so it's too bad we weren't able to get past the ackwardness.

So why am I typing out this story now? This morning I was thinking about my relationships in life. How I was in highschool, how I was in College, and how I am now.

I was asked on a date twice in highschool. Then I went to college for a year and wasn't asked on any dates during that time. I still did group stuff with friends, but slowly the guys I was friends with in highschool, left on missions. The summer after my first year of college, my three best friends and I who had all lived at home for our freshman year, decided to move out and and live together in an apartment for the summer. During that time I had my first true boyfriend. We had a physical attraction, we flirted, and then we started dating. It was my first true dating experience of going out on a date with the same person more than once. At the time I thought I was head over heels in love with this guy... but in reality it was mostly a physical attraction. We formed a light friendship, but when he (and later I) came to realize that that's all there was, we broke up.

At the end of the summer I went back and lived at home again, but had made great friends in the apartment complex we had been in, and I started attending the student ward for that complex during the fall semester- even though I lived at home. I was at my friends apartments almost more often than I was home during that semester, and when one of the roomates in my friends apartment got engaged, I williningly took over her contract and moved into her spot in the apartment at the end of the semester. All of a sudden my dating life took off. I was being asked on dates 3-4 nights a week. Friday night, Saturday night, Sunday dinners, and even mid week dates. I seriously had never in my life had so many dates. I was being asked by friends and we went out once, and then a few other guys asked me out on dates a second or third time. It was still very much friendship dates and I was having a great time. For once in my life I felt like I wasn't just "the friend that a date was being found for to complete the group. I was being asked out... just me, and guys wanted to date "me"!

Of course that couldn't last forever. I happened to get set up with this guy for Cinderfella... we didn't hit it off... then I had a guy friend that really liked one of my friends, and I told him to get me a date, and he could ask my friend on a date and we would double. He just happened to be friends with this guy I was hooked up for for Cinderfella... so we went on a second date. I still wasn't that impressed, and still was dating lots of guys... Then this guy asked me out himself (I guess while I wasn't impressed, he was) and we went and had a great time. I still wasn't ready to stop seeing other guys, and thought this guy was kind of cool and we should pull him into our group and start inviting him to things. What my head thought, and what my heart was feeling were two different things I already was having the longing to just be around him. I did start inviting him to all sorts of things. Tunnel singing, caroling in our apartment, baking cookies. Soon the word got out that we were dating, and all the other calls for dates from other guys stopped. Rich and I dated for three and a half months before we kissed. We developed a wonderful friendship, and he became my best friend. We only needed another month or so until we knew that we loved each other and wanted to share our lives.

So this morning I saw those pictures from highschool and I became reflective. I realize now that those years in highschool when I didn't really date, those years are where I learned to just be friends with the guys. I developed friendships with them and I didn't hide behind crushes as I had when I was younger. I just got to know them as human beings with faults and strengths.

I'm enjoying interacting with a lot of these guys again. I love to see the beautiful families they have and learn that they are doing well and are happy in their careers and with their families. I love that as I look back and see all of these friends, I don't have past romantic interests that I have to feeel guilty about with them. I truly can't remember feeling anything more than friendship with these boys, and am happy to have those memories now. It's interesting to see how many of them are in career fields similar to what Rich is in, and to notice the similarities of them to the man that I did eventually find (or he found me) and fall in love with.