I've opened up this blog multiple times in the last week and looked at it, and closed it again without putting anything on it.
I think I'm going through a bit of depression. I hesitate to use the word, because I know there are so many people who really suffer from it and my classification of it is very mild. I will have multiple days at a time where I feel absolutely fine, and then a few days in a row where I feel borderline and like I cannot take another minute of whinning and crying from anyone. I'm sure it has a lot to do with my sleep, or lack thereof. Angela has been up with fevers for four nights in a row and then the last two nights she's been up with gas cramps that have her screaming in pain. It is like an out of body experience when I know I've reached the limit to my own ability to take care of things and I need to step aside and hand the baby over to Rich. Last night was one of those nights and now I'm in the contemplative mode of trying to analyze why I'm reacting to things the way I am reacting to things.
I call it my psychoanalisys mode where I have a conversation in my head of what I think others would tell me, how I would respond and justify my actions, or apologize etc. I give myself pep talks and tell myself that I need to just buck up and get moving and I'll feel better- and I do, and I do feel better when I do that. It is just a cycle that I seem to get caught in during the winter months when it's cold and kids seem to pass colds from school and church to each other and I wind up at home with sick kids longer than I'd like.
So I'm in my pj's and it's almost lunch time. The little kids are fed, but not dressed for the day and the house needs to be cleaned. It's not filthy, but it really needs some good cleaning done to it. I know that when the house is messy and I'm tired and I look around and see the mess, I get overwhelmed and that intensifies my lack of motivation to get up and clean it up and take care of things. I'm hoping I can jump start my mood with some good energetic cleaning this afternoon.
2 comments:
Julie, I do know a little bit of what you are feeling. I think we are both in a similar boat. When are kids get better lets start getting together. You guys can just come over, we can let the kids play, and you and I can talk or whatever you like. (I can also show you my Cricut. Hee hee.) I'm here for you if you need me.
Love,
Robyn
Julie - the psychoanalysis mode you describe is exactly what my neuropsychologist has said is a method of dealing with life that the highest functioning people tend to use. They have pep talks like that in their heads. "Let faith and imagination take over" - that's my quote.
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