Baking

So what does it say about me, that I've been trying to not make a bunch of sweets all the time- and I've been struggling with feeling down a bit.

Last night I made an apple crisp. I had so much fun making it and I felt great!

So... I guess I just need to bake more to keep my mental health charged up... I just need to not eat it after I bake it. lol!

Winter blues

I've opened up this blog multiple times in the last week and looked at it, and closed it again without putting anything on it.

I think I'm going through a bit of depression. I hesitate to use the word, because I know there are so many people who really suffer from it and my classification of it is very mild. I will have multiple days at a time where I feel absolutely fine, and then a few days in a row where I feel borderline and like I cannot take another minute of whinning and crying from anyone. I'm sure it has a lot to do with my sleep, or lack thereof. Angela has been up with fevers for four nights in a row and then the last two nights she's been up with gas cramps that have her screaming in pain. It is like an out of body experience when I know I've reached the limit to my own ability to take care of things and I need to step aside and hand the baby over to Rich. Last night was one of those nights and now I'm in the contemplative mode of trying to analyze why I'm reacting to things the way I am reacting to things.

I call it my psychoanalisys mode where I have a conversation in my head of what I think others would tell me, how I would respond and justify my actions, or apologize etc. I give myself pep talks and tell myself that I need to just buck up and get moving and I'll feel better- and I do, and I do feel better when I do that. It is just a cycle that I seem to get caught in during the winter months when it's cold and kids seem to pass colds from school and church to each other and I wind up at home with sick kids longer than I'd like.

So I'm in my pj's and it's almost lunch time. The little kids are fed, but not dressed for the day and the house needs to be cleaned. It's not filthy, but it really needs some good cleaning done to it. I know that when the house is messy and I'm tired and I look around and see the mess, I get overwhelmed and that intensifies my lack of motivation to get up and clean it up and take care of things. I'm hoping I can jump start my mood with some good energetic cleaning this afternoon.

Well after my last entry I just about had a breakdown on Thursday when we had some trouble with the hot water heater- I was using the hot water to melt the ice on the driveway and the release valve broke so I couldn't close it and stop the water from running out the hose that was connected to it. I had to shut off the water filling the hot water heater and wait till that evening for Rich to replace the valve. I finally made it out of the house Friday evening got some "mommy alone time" that I was very badly needing after the previous two weeks.

The weekend was a very welcome relief to get things back to normal. We were able to get out of the house as a family, spend some time together and go out to dinner on Saturday and then go to church on Sunday.

Monday the schedule was back to normal and the older kids got to go to school, Rich was at work and I got to go exercise at the Y and just have a quiet day with two kids for a few hours instead of four. :)

Rich got home yesterday. It's amazing how much more relaxed I am today with him being here in Oklahoma, than I was yesterday when he was in Chicago. He went to work this morning, so I'm still alone with the kids and they are getting tired of being inside, but I'm mentally better than I was yesterday. :)

Ice Storm Havoc and whines

This is just my whiney post... I know it could be much worse. We could have lost electricity, had to huddle up near the fireplace and I might have had to entertain the kids for days on end by myself.

But we didn't loose power-a fact of which I am extremely grateful. I've been able to use tv and movies and music and computer to help me entertain the kids for the past four days that we have been cooped up here in the house. The kids have been pretty well behaved and cooperative when they could have been cranky and irritable- so that is another blessing.

We were able to cook dinner, bake some cookies and do some fun stuff.

Rich was supposed to get home on Saturday, but the storm made him reschedule flights till Monday. Yesterday he got to Chicago and then got stuck there when they cancelled his flight after they had sat on the plane for 2+ hours. Hopefully he will get home today, but he doesn't even get a direct flight today. He has to fly down to Dallas, and with the way this ice storm has been going, who knows if he'll get stuck in Dallas today and still not make it home.

So... we wait and see. At least there is no school today. I didn't think the roads would be driveable and although the kids ride the bus, I don't like sending them to school on the bus when I myself am stuck in the house because our driveway isn't cleared yet and I wouldn't be able to get them if they got hurt or anything.

So I'm just sitting here and letting myself whine for a few moments... and then I'll go and face the day and try to find some new activities for us to do today.