I gave a talk yesterday at church. Here's what I wrote- of course I'm sure I didn't follow it exactly.
I was recently released from teaching in the Nursery. In the Nursery sometimes you feel a little invisible, you go there right after Sacrament Meeting so parents can drop the kids off and get to their classes on time, and by the time you've cleaned up- everyone’s gone- you don't really see anyone unless they have kids in Nursery and you don't run into members of the Bishopric that can ask you to speak on Sundays... Last week was my first Sunday attending the Sunday School class, as I was leaving Sunday School I “ran into” a member of the Bishopric and he asked me if I would give a talk this Sunday. I guess I’m not invisible any more.
He asked me to talk on what the Atonement means to me personally.
If you look on the church’s website for investigators: mormon.org you can find wonderful short answers regarding some important gospel subjects. Under the Atonement it say’s:
It is impossible to put into words the full meaning of the Atonement, which is
the most important event in the history of the world. Through His suffering in
the Garden of Gethsemane and on the cross, the Savior atoned for our sins. This
is the good news for all people!
Jesus Christ did what only He could do in atoning for our sins. To make His Atonement fully effective in our individual lives, we must have faith in Christ, repent of our sins, be baptized, receive the Holy Ghost, obey God's commandments, and strive to become like Him. As we do these things through His Atonement, we can return to live with Him and our Heavenly Father forever.
I've been pondering on it all week... and a few words keep coming to my mind... Hope, Strive, and Endure; so I thought I'd share with you why those words are linked to my feelings on the Atonement. I hope you will bear with me as I use anecdotal stories from my life to convey these thoughts.
Last week after being asked to give this talk- I went home after church and I was getting dinner made. My mind was racing from one thing to another... trying to balance the knowledge of how to make the meal I was preparing, with the distractions of the kids asking me questions or telling me things, and a big part of my mind racing away thinking about this talk- feeling anxious and stressed and wondering why in the world Brother McKinley would ask me, to talk about the Atonement. We had such wonderful talks last week, and I was touched by what others had said that day about the Atonement and their testimonies of it in their lives. I was feeling very inadequate-
But back to Last Sunday evening... I was in the process of working on dinner- with the distractions I mentioned, when my daughter came and either asked me something, or was telling me something- I can't even remember what it was- but I had a not so proud parenting moment and I snapped and yelled at her to just leave me alone. Fortunately my wonderful husband intervened and took care of whatever she needed along with giving me a "what's up with that look" and I had a light bulb moment.
I was worrying so much about what I was going to say in my Talk- about the Atonement no less- that I had allowed myself to get upset over something that should never have upset me. The Savior extends his Atoning sacrifice to us for everything. Even for me and my shortcomings and my getting upset over something I shouldn't have gotten upset about. The word Hope came to my mind last Sunday when that happened. The Atonement gives me Hope. Hope that I can someday live with my family, and our Savior and our Father in Heaven. The Atonement gives me hope that I can do better tomorrow. That despite my shortcomings today, I can be forgiven of them and I can hope to do better tomorrow.
In Moroni 7:40-43: Moroni is giving sharing the words of his Father, and his testimony. He say's;
40 And again, my beloved brethren, I would speak unto you concerning a hope. How
is it that ye can attain unto faith, save ye shall have hope?
41 And what is it that ye shall a hope for? Behold I say unto you that ye shall have b hope through the atonement of Christ and the power of his resurrection, to be raised
unto life c eternal, and this because of your faith in him according to the promise.
42 Wherefore, if a man have afaith he bmust needs have hope; for without faith there cannot be any hope.
43 And again, behold I say unto you that he cannot have faith and hope, save he shall be a meek, and lowly of heart.
I have had ups and downs through my life. Sometimes I feel like I am on a spiritual high- I have climbed a mountain and am up on a peak, and then other times I feel like I'm knocked down, stuck in the Valley between the peaks. Many times as I am in the valley and I struggle to climb and try to get to the next peak I have to be reminded of this scripture. That I need to humble myself and my heart before I will feel a strengthening of faith and hope. As I search more and pray more diligently and humble myself before the Lord- it is a real physical feeling for me of feeling the hope that leads to feeling the Spirit and regaining and strengthening my Faith.
The second word that has been prominent in my mind this week is strive:
I remember back to when Rich and I got engaged. There was the prayer and confirming assurance that we were taking the right step. And then the doubt began to creep into my mind. There was no doubt in my mind that he was the man I wanted to marry, the doubt was whether or not I would be able to take the next step and make the promises and covenants that I knew would be made in the Temple. There is no doubt that I grew up revering the Temple. My family lived for a time in Maryland and we attended the ward meetinghouse adjacent to the Washington D.C. Temple. I loved to be near the Temple, to feel the spirit that was felt when on the grounds of the Temple. As a teenager whenever I had problems and discord in my life and I needed to go someplace to feel the spirit and have peace and quiet- I would drive to the nearest Temple and sit in my car looking at the Temple and pray and read the scriptures and feel the peace that dwells in and around it. I had made the goal in my life to grow up and meet a man and go with him to the Temple and be married there.
All of a sudden I was looking straight forward at this goal and saw that it was attainable, and I was scared. I was scared that I would not be able to be perfect, I was scared that I would go to the Temple and make promises and then I would fail. As I studied more and counseled with my parents and church leaders the word Strive began to become more important to me. I didn’t have to be perfect. I just had to Strive to be. We are asked in our Temple Recommend Interview (and I know I don’t have the wording right, but the meaning is the same) if we strive to live the commandments of the Lord. I remember sitting in the interview with my Bishop and feeling such a huge feeling of relief when I heard that. I had been prepared and I knew that would be asked, but the emotions that I felt when I realized that YES! I could answer that I did indeed “strive” to live the commandments. I wasn’t perfect in keeping all of the commandments, but I did strive to live the commandments. The Atonement makes it possible for us to strive to live the commandments and still have the Hope that we will return to live with our Father in Heaven again.
I was having a conversation with a friend this week. We were talking about a problem she had and the feeling that she felt she was been judged by someone. She thanked me for never making her feel as if I was judging her. In my head I thought- goodness why would I judge her? I spend so much time judging myself that there’s no time to judge anyone else. At the time I didn’t see the relevance of that thought, but as I was preparing this talk the conversation kept coming back to my mind.
Somehow I seem to have gotten the first part of the lesson, but not the second part. “Judge not- least ye be judged” In my head it had become- “Judge not others- only yourself” I had a testimony of the Atonement. I knew that our Elder Brother Jesus Christ had suffered for our sins. That he had extended his hand to us to come unto him and be forgiven. I have no doubt in my mind of that, yet- I find in my life that I continue to turn my back on his help, by holding myself to unrealistic expectations for myself. If he offers his sacrifice to those who will come unto him and humble themselves and ask for forgiveness and strive to follow his teachings and commandments- then if I judge myself and deem myself not worthy- do I really have a testimony of his Atoning love?
I think the answer is that yes I do have a testimony of it, but just as I am tested in other things- I continue to be tested in this. I have to continue to have hope, and to strive to follow his teachings- and then I have to endure
In 2 Nephi 31:20 Nephi say's:
20 Wherefore, ye must press forward with a a steadfastness in Christ, having a
perfect brightness of b hope, and a clove of God and of all men. Wherefore, if
ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and dendure to the
end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eeternal life.
That leads me to the third word that has been prominent in my mind this week as I've thought about this talk. Endure.
I have a good friend that in a lighthearted conversation said once. "I have a testimony, I know the gospel is true, I get that we need to have faith, serve others and follow the commandments; It’s the enduring part that I have a hard time with"
Enduring can be so hard. We can be doing great. We can be at the top of the mountain on the Peak and feeling a spiritual high, and then all of a sudden we find ourselves in the valley wondering how we got there, and struggling to figure out how to get out of that valley and back up to the peak.
We have many runners in this ward. I admire their ability to run and their endurance to be able to run long distances. Recently I have set a goal for myself to start running. I have numerous years of no regular exercise that I have to overcome before I will be able to really run. I was told about a program that outlined a running regimen to go from being a couch potato, to being able to participate in a 5 K in three months. I started this program and was disappointed to find that I could not even run steadily for 90 second spurts the first time I tried to run. As I have continued to work on it, I can now say that I can run for 3 minute spurts at a time, for 20 minutes with a short rest period of walking in between each 3 minutes.
Now… what does this have to do with the Atonement you ask? Just as I have had to build up my endurance to be able to run even the still short 3 minute intervals- we have to build up our testimonies. There will be times that we are running our hardest in this marathon of life, and times that we are just gasping for breath and we have to slow down and walk. The important thing though is that we don’t stop. We must endure to the end. We must continue to push ourselves to do better, to grow stronger in our testimonies and our faith. We must use our Hope and Strive to Endure to the end.
I have a testimony of the Atonement. I know that I cannot live with my Father in Heaven again without the Atonement. I am so grateful that our Savior sacrificed for me, that no matter what my individual sins are- he loves me and gave his sacrifice freely for me. I am grateful for the Restored Gospel. For the truth and clarity that is found with modern day revelation. I have a testimony of prayer and the peace and comfort we can feel when we turn to our Father in Heaven in humble prayer. I am grateful for my family- whom I love very much- and I am grateful that they are quick to forgive me when I have my “not so proud” parenting moments. I have a Testimony of the Saviors love for each one of us. I say this in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
